Things left unspoken
by Mara-Amber
Summary: Kenshin reflects and ponders about his life in general and his love in particular while giving something back what he already kept for too long. Does he deserve to find happiness? alternate pairing. *COMPLETE*


Standard disclaimers:  
I don't own RuroKen, all rights belong to the creator, Nobuhiro Watsuki,  
and some big name companies.  
I'm just borrowing the characters for some fun, I'll make no money with this.  
  
Author's notes:  
This is a fic about my favourite (ok, second favourite couple) =^^=,   
from RuroKen. I feel somehow that fics with these two are under-  
represented, so I decided to write this one. =^^=  
I hope you will enjoy it.  
  
mmm, as always: I am not a native speaker, so mayor grammar or  
vocabulary mistakes might be ahead. Hopefully you are not distracted  
by them.  
  
Great thanks goes (as most times) to Hana Himura, Firuze Khanume and  
Morgane for pre-reading, giving me helpful hints and encouraging me to   
post this 'piece'.  
  
Great thanks goes to Oryo... I think I wrote to much 'Tokio'-fics...  
I corrected the mistake.  
  
ALTERNATE PAIRING STORY!  
  
  
  
THINGS LEFT UNSPOKEN  
  
  
As it was his every day business, he picked up the basket to go  
to the market. Leaving the kitchen he tripped over a pile  
of dirty clothing. What was it doing here right in the way?  
Yesterday evening it hadn't laid here, judging from the huge pile  
he would be busy the whole afternoon with doing laundry.  
  
The door in front of him was shoved aside, revealing Kaoru standing   
behind it.  
  
Kaoru? Already awake at this early hour?   
Her plait was tousled, her eyes were  
small and swollen from sleep, as she yawned widely and scratched herself  
on the back, not very gracefully. In this position her stomach came  
forward, maybe she should practise more and eat less... somehow  
Saitou was right: she resembled a Tanuki in many ways, as much as  
he hated to admit it. OHO! Her Yukata gaped open in the  
front, better to vanish into thin air before he noticed him here.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! KEN....SHIN!"  
  
Too late. It was wiser to use his good-like speed to escape her, but  
to endure her outburst and surely violent reaction would at least  
avoid her being upset for weeks. There it was.  
  
*WHACK*  
  
"ORO!"  
Once more he pondered why someone who believed in the sword that doesn't   
kill and who couldn't stand one drop of blood was that violent.  
  
"Kenshin! Didn't I tell you not to peek on me? I want to have  
my privacy in my house!"  
  
Her high-pitched voice drone in his ear, and he heard the same he  
had already heard 500 hundred times before at least. Wasn't she the  
one who had come out of the room, hadn't he stood here before?  
  
"Yes, Kaoru-dono. I am sorry, Kaoru-dono." Hastily he stuttered his  
excuse and quickly looked for a way to escape her "I'll go to the  
market to buy some tofu."  
  
Hasty he run down the floor  
"Kenshin! I am talking to you! Kenshin! Kenshin! Don't forget to  
clean the floor! The laundry has to be done today, my favourite  
Kimono is dirty! I want my lunch around midday after my training  
with Yahiko! Kenshin! Did you hear me? And don't dare to peek on me   
again!"  
  
Luckily the gate of the Kamiya-house closed behind him, muting  
her yelling and when he reached the next street he didn't hear it  
anymore.  
  
Of course he would do what she told him, he always did.  
  
Why? Because he would always remember how she had been when he first  
met her. Exactly here, in this street. Although being an incredible  
lousy swords-woman she had challenged him. Yes, she had been right, he  
was Battousai, but she had been mistaken in the person.   
What had been the cause that had made her to attack the man she assumed  
to be the best swords-man ever known?  
Was it desperation? Naivety? Was it over-confidence in her sword skills?  
  
She had been so lonely and defenceless that he couldn't help but stay  
with her. Was it compassion? Was it the need of finally having  
a home, protecting someone what made him stay?   
  
Her untouched innocence, never having to deal with a blood-spilling  
past? Her naivety that made her inviting strangers into her house  
and letting them stay there?  
  
Maybe it was a mixture of it all.  
  
Two boys passed him, chasing after each other, trying to be faster  
as the 'competitor'. Their innocent laughs ringed in his ears, lingering  
on while he continued his way.  
  
How lucky they were. They didn't need to go through the horrible   
experiences he had made... being caught by slave-traders, nearly being sold,  
having to witness the death of people caring for you...  
How would he have been like when he hadn't had to grow up in this cruel,   
merciless and bloody era that had left no place for childhood?   
  
Would he have cared for his land? Would he have been a good farmer?  
Would he have been married and have a bunch of children?  
  
He had to smile about the image of four or five small Kenshins...  
no, it would be Shintas then... running around him, laughing as  
happy and innocent as the boys he had seen before.  
He would have cared that no one would disturb this peace and would  
steal their innocent souls.  
  
In his vision a woman stepped out of the house  
'Shinta? Won't you came inside? Your dinner is ready.'  
  
"OI! Can't you look where you walk?"  
  
"ORO?"  
Wonderful. Once more he had been so deep in his daydreams that he  
had bumped into a giant of a man, blocking his way.  
"I am sorry." Ducking he gained space and quickly hurried on his way.  
  
No, he didn't want to have a contention with this man. He had so much  
fights in the past, he didn't want to have one more if it was avoidable.  
Maybe this was what made him remain in the Kamiya-dojo... Kaoru had  
enough energy to start and go through all those discussions he was tired  
of.  
  
Finally he had reached the stale that offered the tofu which Kaoru  
liked so much, the owner recognised him immediately.  
"Himura-san! What a honour to have you again buying tofu from me.  
As always?"  
  
Quietly he nodded in response and the shop-keeper cut off two thick  
pieces and placed them together with some water in his basket.  
The payment was exchanged and soon he was on his way back.  
  
He had just made a few steps when he felt the first raindrops falling on his  
head and as he looked up, he saw dark clouds gathered above Tokyo, further  
down the way, where Kaoru's house was, already a heavy rain was falling.  
  
*pling*  
  
The next drop fell into the basket and he realised he had two chances:  
Either he ran as fast as he could to reach his home, still the tofu   
would be damaged on the way and loose its quality.   
Or he looked for a shelter nearby.  
  
Something inside his pink Kimono felt heavy and pressed against his chest,  
remembering him of its existence. Yes, he had always wanted to give this  
one back, but there simply hadn't been a good opportunity until now.  
  
Making up his mind, he turned high on his heels and walked into the  
opposite direction, the falling rain getting heavier during his way,  
but his destination was only a few houses away.  
  
He just made it under the roof as the clouds exploded and the rain  
made it impossible for him to see his outstretched hand he hold  
playfully into the rain. How hard the impact of the drops was and  
how warm they felt on his skin... warm like the blood, but the   
blood had been much lighter... only the feeling on his hand of course,  
the feeling of his soul still lingered on. The feeling of the rain would  
be gone as soon as it stopped, leaving no mark behind.  
  
"KEN-NII!"  
  
"KEN-NII!"  
  
"ORO!"  
Suzume was hanging on his one side and Ayame jumped on his back,  
he lost his balance, making the girls giggle about his attempts  
not to spill the content of the basket and much to the delight  
of the two he re-gained his balance while waving his arms widely  
and toppling over his own feet several times.   
  
How easy it was to entertain the youngsters and make them smile...  
  
"Himura-san."  
Dr. Gensai came from inside the house and tried to get a hold of  
Suzume and Ayame who excitedly had grabbed his Hakama and looked  
up to him wide-eyed, surely in expectation of one of his absorbing  
stories he loved to tell them.  
  
"Gensai-sensei. I was surprised by the rain on my way back from the   
market. If you don't mind, I would like to wait here until the rains  
stops."  
  
"Sure, it is no problem. Just put down your purchases in the kitchen,  
they won't be in the way there. A few guests are around, we should avoid   
that someone triples over your goods."  
  
"Yes, thanks." The feeling of the small box in his Kimono reminded  
him of what he wanted to do here "I'd like to speak with Megumi-dono.  
Is she around?"  
  
Dr. Gensai suddenly lost some of his cheerfulness and looked sadly  
into his face. Not for the first time he got the impression that the  
old man knew more than he showed openly. But that should be expected  
of him.  
"She is still busy with a patient, but why don't you have a seat in  
her room? I think she will be back soon."  
  
"That would be very kind of you, thank you."  
  
Thoughtfully Dr. Gensai took Suzume and Ayame with him -much to their  
protest-, the wise man must have felt his urge to talk with Megumi   
privately. With Suzume and Ayame around this would be impossible.  
  
He made himself comfortable, only a few minutes later a maid came,  
offering him some tea, but soon left, muttering her excuse that  
she had to give Dr. Gensai a hand with a patient.  
  
It took some time until Megumi came, in the meantime he calmed  
his disturbed soul to watch the falling rain through the still opened  
door of her room. The simple and ordinary sight and noises where like   
balm to him. Simple. Not as hectic and busy as the times back then during  
the Bakumatsu in Kyoto. Monotonous. Every night another killing, every night  
another location, hiding, running, haunted. Being hunted.  
Blood rains. Not monotonous. One heavy rain in the beginning, soon  
fading as the body of the victim was bloodless. Red rain. Warm.  
  
"Ken-san!"  
  
"ORO!"  
This daydreaming had to stop somehow, otherwise even the most harmless   
situation would take him by surprise.  
Would he ever learn that there was no threat awaiting him at every corner,   
that there was no need to be on guard 24 hours a day?  
  
Megumi smiled her cunning and seductive smile at him, he could  
almost see fox-ears popping up.  
"OHOHO! You came to see me?" She winked "Is this supposed to be  
a secret meeting?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes and switched to his serious expression  
"I want to give you something back."  
  
Immediately she had recognised his seriousness and let drop her  
own mask of the ever present happy and seductive woman. She took  
her seat opposite him and poured herself some tea, holding the cup  
tightly and never taking her eyes of it, as if she was afraid of  
the following conversation.  
"What do you want to give me back?"  
  
He longed in his kimono and found the small round box that had been  
pressing against his chest since Sano had given it back to him on   
their way from Kyoto to Tokyo. He turned it a few times in his hands,  
remembering Kaoru giving it to him on that roof, on that night...  
The night that had made some things clear to him.  
Hesitantly he reached out, took Megumi's hand and placed it inside.  
He didn't want to give it back, but it needed to be done.  
"This one, Megumi-dono."  
  
Careful, almost afraid, she looked into her hand, as she recognised  
it, she gasped  
"Ken... Ken-san... this is the box I gave Kaoru to bring it to  
Kyoto and to give it to you."  
  
"Yes, this is the one. I wanted to give it back to you personally..."  
now he had to look down on the ground, he simply couldn't stand her  
surprised look at him at what he had to say to her. Nevertheless, it   
had to be done. Maybe this was one of the toughest conversations he   
had faced so far in his life.  
"I'd like to thank you for this, I can't express my thankfulness  
enough. You persuaded Kaoru to go to Kyoto with it," slowly he let go   
of her hand. It had been the one of the most unselfish deeds  
he had ever witnessed. Besides Tomoe's. Would he ever forget what she  
had done? No. The sound of the falling rain started to feel painful  
in his ears, like in Kyoto "it meant a lot for me."  
  
Did he imagine a traitorous glimmer in her eyes?  
All of a sudden she laughed, holding her hand in front of her mouth  
and shouting one of her seductive looks at him. One of her trademark  
reactions, but she couldn't fool him.  
He simply knew what she felt, hidden behind her offensive flirting,  
used as a shield to cover her true emotions.  
"Thanks for giving it back, Ken-san. At last it helped Sano to recover."  
  
"Yes, it is an excellent recipe, Megumi-dono. Although he had serious  
injuries he recovered in no time."  
  
Angrily Megumi's hands tightened in her Michiyuki and her eyes flamed  
in annoyance.  
"Why couldn't he have been more carefully! He nearly lost his life   
there."  
  
As if this was easy to answer... but for sure easier than expressing  
what he wanted to clear so badly. He settled back, able to ignore his   
distracting thoughts for a few seconds. He wanted to keep this conversation   
serious and not run mundane. Megumi was one of the few persons around  
him with whom he could go deeper. At least a little bit.  
As a doctor she would never fully comprehend the soul of a warrior.  
"You know why, Megumi-dono. He is still young, imprudent and hot-headed.   
He needs to learn how to control a fight and situation, otherwise he  
will be defeated easily. You can only gain this knowledge through experience.  
Although he already stopped to vent out his frustration through senseless   
brawling, he still joins fights without thinking twice. He needs to consider  
things more carefully."  
  
Bitterly Megumi followed his glance outside, watching the falling  
rain for a few seconds silently.  
"He has a long way to go."  
  
She turned back and he nodded, once more he was surprised by her  
ability to understand.  
"Yes, and surely he will get stronger and more efficient through it.   
His style still needs some improvements and he already stopped attacking   
ill-considered and out of anger, he starts to judge his opponents before  
challenging them and he doesn't just beat them up using pure strength   
as he used to do it."  
  
"Sure, sure. But that doesn't turn him from a stupid child who acts   
before thinking into a considerate grown up man at instant."  
Megumi had muttered under her breath and a pondering silence arouse.  
  
Why did it feel so good just to sit here and remain silent?  
Wasn't there a saying that you only can have a comfortable silence  
with someone who is really close to you.  
When had he had such a person around him the last time?  
HAD he ever had such a special person for him?  
  
He looked up at her, she was lost in thought and fumbling with the   
box in her hand. It had been the last remembrance he had kept from her.  
That ointment was a family recipe she had told him, it had had astonishing  
effects. It would be a shame if the knowledge of the Takani-family  
would get lost. Such a great wisdom of healing in such a gifted woman.  
  
She had the talent and the ambition to carry on her families tradition  
and even to improve the passed down recipes. Such a talent shouldn't  
get lost or wasted unused.  
  
They both had to atone for their pasts, they both needed to give  
others what they could offer.  
  
He could only offer protection for the weak.  
  
But she, she was an independent, self-confident, stand-alone character who   
was so different from the common women he knew.  
She could offer health for so many others, she was so much more  
than he was, she had had an excellent education.  
  
No, he wouldn't steel another important person. Not one.  
  
He took a sip from his tea  
"What will you do, Megumi-dono? Will you stay here in Dr. Gensai's house?"  
  
Immediately she had realised that it wasn't her near future he was  
interested in, she kept her eyes on the medicine box  
"I... I am planning to go back to Aizu and to rebuilt my father's  
clinic."  
  
A part of him fell apart. In this distance she would be unreachable.  
Another part of him felt relieved, that would make it easier for him  
to keep his determination. What would be right?  
"This is the one of the best ways to honour your ancestors, especially  
since you are the last living member. And it is a way to share your  
skills with others. We need good doctors, we still suffer from the great  
losses during the Bakumatsu."  
  
Both of them knew what it meant: they would be parted and continue  
to live their lives alone.  
  
Suddenly he felt her face directly in front of him and as he lifted  
his head, she had tears in her eyes. And she was close, closer than  
ever before. He felt her lips upon his before they actually touched,  
they felt as soft and sweet as he always had envisioned it during  
his day-dreams... or even wilder during his sleep.  
  
It was soft, gentle kiss and he gave himself the luxury to give in.  
Just for a second, as long as she wanted.   
  
She sat back. How long had this been? A second?   
It would have to last until the last of his days.  
  
Megumi placed her hands in her lap, her eyes locked to the ground.  
"Good-bye, Ken-san."  
  
He stood up and forced himself not to look back at her.  
He was afraid he would become unsure of his decision.  
"Good-bye, Megumi-dono."  
  
Luckily the rain had stopped by now, he would manage to get back to  
the Kamiya-dojo without hurrying and without getting wet.  
  
****  
  
Only four months later they had come together to wave her off.  
She had finally made her decision going back to Aizu and practising there.  
He was sure: she was a woman who could take care of herself, she had  
the temper and the self-confidence.  
One part of him wished that she would stay, but another part of him wished  
that she entered the carriage and would drive away, out of his life.  
  
There were still to many sins he had to repent for , there was no  
private happiness for him. That was for others, not meant for him.  
  
With a last cheerful nod she greeted them all, but he felt that  
this one was especially meant for him.  
  
She finally stepped inside and the carriage drove off, he joined  
the others with a smile in a his face, a faked joy he was far from  
feeling.  
  
The dust, swirled up by the turning wheels, swallowed the   
image of the leaving carriage quickly.   
  
She was gone. Unreachable forever for him.  
  
"Kenshin!"  
  
"ORO?"  
  
Kaoru squeezed his arm and reminded him of the presence  
"Why are you staring into nothing, Kenshin? Let us go back home!"  
  
"Yes, Kaoru-dono."  
There were more important things to take care of than his own little  
happiness. He didn't deserve it.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Started: November 24th 2002  
Finished: December 1st 2002  
First posted: December 1st 2002  
  
I hope you enjoyed it,  
  
Ja ne,  
  
Mara 


End file.
